|
I cut myself. I was addicted. I needed God.
I grew up in a christian home, assuming because of that, I was a christian. But then as I got older, I realized that just because my family was christian, didn't mean I was. It was time to make a decision. I made my desision, I wanted to live for God ! Then I met some people who cut their wrists. I became friends, and tried to lead them to the lord, and stop cutting. Then one day my very good life, became complicated. I didn't knwo what to do, so I made a mistake and became like my friends. I cut my wrist. The first time I was just sitting there thinking, "What did I just do ?!" and I asked the Lord for forgiveness. I figured I would just forget about it, but it seemed that everytime something bad happened it was all I could think to do. I gave in. I kept it a secret for so long. Finally I decided I needed to tell a friend, and I did, but I needed to tell a christian friend but I was scared to. I told a good friend, that didn't go to church about everything. She was so supportive, and tried to help me stop. I thought "Ooh this will be easy ! ". It wasn't ! Finally, I thought I had a wrap on things ! I was so happy to be right with God again ! I went half a year, I stopped thinking about it, and scars faded a bit. It was wonderful ! That next year was so hard, and I fell away from God, I mean I still went to church and youth group, but it was so different, I couldnt pay attention, I couldn't really hear the words being said. I got so scared. Two friends attempted seuicide, and someone tried to murder my best friend. I didn't know what to do, and I was the only one who knew of the attempted murder other then police and family of my friend. Everyone wanted to know the story. I couldnt tell, I couldnt let my friend down like that ! It ate me up inside, and one day without thinking, I found myself in my washroom with a blade and blood dripping down my wrist wondering, "How did I get here ?" and "Why am I bleeding, I dont remember cutting !" It was terrible, I didnt feel anything at all ! I cried so much, and found myself cutting again, and again ! I was so scared ! So I told my christian friend, he was so supportive, and treats me just the same as before. I know he will always be there. He continues to tell me to pray, and that God is the only one who will help me with my addiction. I needed God, and although I still find words floating over my head sometimes at church, I am doing better, and I have no desire to cut myself anymore. God is just so amazing ! The scars are still there to remind me of my mistakes though, I wish they would just go away ! But God is here to keep me strong. Much Love, Julia.
 |
Your Stories 
he will always protect you and im so sorry about your friends I hope there okay 
