My name is Hanna(:  I remember the first time I cut was in 8th grade.  My friend Torie told me about how she cut herself to make herself feel better and after school that same day, for no reason at all I cut my wrist (Not deep at all).  I was perfectly happy that day I just wanted to see how it felt.  But if I would have known that it would become the worst addictive habbit in the world and that it would take over my life, I would have never even attempted to do that dumb cut.  I'm in the middle year of my 10th grade and cutting has taking a negative horrible effect on my life.  I've lost my closest friends due to cutting; But worst of all, I lost myself through this process.  In 8th grade the cuts were on a scale of 1-10 (ten being the most), they were like a two on deepness.  In 9th grade the cuts were about a 5 on deepness but now, in 10th grade my god.!  They are about a 9 on deepness.  This year I've been very depressed and having many suicidle thoughts.  If you asked me why I cut in 9th grade and 8th grade...I couldn't answer that because I wouldnd't know.  But if you asked me now why I cut...I would answer you this...My life has totally fallen apart, I'm someone that none my friends nor me can rezonize, friends have gone away from my life due to my cutting, the littelets things get to me, my sister outshines me in everything, and worst of all...My bestfriend/Ex boyfriend walked out of my life.  And worst of all he walked out because of the fact that I cut.  All tenth grade year this year has been hell for me.  I try to get over our friiendship but life without him is pointeless and there's something inside of me that's missing...I'm very depressed and  I know he'll never come back to me.  I try to let god in my life but if I say I believe in him...I'm lying to myself.  This year has been the worst ever!  Only few friends know of this ...No one else knows.   I have been planning a suicide but I can't get myself to do such a selfish thing.  I cry my eyes out at night just wanting my best friend back and all that regret bulids up to the worst feeling in the world <-----  It's been a couple months (5 months), and I still cry over my ex bestfriend but I don't cut over him anymore because he's forgot about me and I can't and will not suffer over him no more.  I still cry at night, everynight, but I'm not depressed as much and life seems like it can actually get better all thanks to the fact that I let god into my life.  I just wanted to share my story with all cutters out there because I know what you're going through.!!!  I'm not all better yet but I'm on the right road now.!!  I just want to inform all of you that it's only when we hit rock bottom that we start to climb back upp..  Just remember when life seems like crap, it can only get better.  :)  Good luck to everyone with story's like mine...Hope it has inspired someone out there<33 take care;;

by the way... The ONE thing that drove me to stop cutting was the fact that when I woke up in the morning the next day and saw my wrist all sliced...I was even more depressed so it don't help a thing..!!!! It only makes you more sad;;

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Comments (3)

Zoey said:

Hello Hanna, my name is Zoey, I'm in grade 12 and I too cut myself. Well I did. I got better. I have a story on here if you're curious to know my story as of why. I just wanted to tell you it's almost been 3 months since the last time I cut myself. There have been so many points where I have struggled without my razor. Days I wonder how I get by without it, and then there are days where I feel disgusted to even feel like I need it. I've been battling depression for about 2 years. It may not seem like depression, but it is. I won't go on pills for it though, cause it's not as bad as it use to be. Anyways, I'm still sorta depressed, but it's gotten better. I also lost several friends due to changing and cutting myself. But you need to find what I like to call true friends. These people will stick by you no matter what. I have 3. They helped me, and they still help me. My boyfriend is one of them, and because of him I was able to throw out my razor and become stronger. Cutting is an addiction, and I think that's what people don't get. I still think about cutting, I still crave it sometimes. It's not something that goes away. But I can live without it now, it took time, but I got there. I still have bad days where I feel like I can't get out of bed because of this depression, but I find excuses to get up, and go do something and in doing this I've been able to fight the depression and beat it. Depression no longer gets the best of me, and I've found a way to beat it everyday rather than it beating me. I'm sure with hard work, good friends, and a lot of dedication and strength, you too can stop cutting. Set a goal every week. Say I'm not gonna cut for one week. If you make it, then set it to two weeks. Etc. That's what got me through. But if you don't make it for your goal, don't fret, just dust yourself off and set a new goal. You can do it.

February 08, 2010

kb&cm said:

Hanna , My friend and I are in class and we just had a presentation from Brett Ullman, and we are reading stories, we can relate to your story. We both had gotten into the terrible habbit and just couldnt stop, all grade 9 we would do it over the stupidest reasons, just because for soem reason they felt like they were the biggest. And what we had in common was that it all started over boy. I havent gone back to the one that made me start but my dumbass friend did. I dont agree with her choice,but she is my bestfriend so im going to support her. she is sitting with me as i am writing this and she is shaking her head at what im typing but its true. WE BOTH have stopped cutting, and things are looking up for us. Now almost done grade 10 and cut free, thankss,

February 25, 2010

godlovesme:) said:

hanna, im scared to lose my best friends! Im 14 and i cut and they all get mad at me and ask me why i do it they dont understand me at all! I started going to church and God has changed my life I still do cut sometimes but not as much your story has givin me some inspiration!

May 29, 2010

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