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Hi. I really don't even know how to start this...but i feel that whatever i say, the chance that it might touch someone's life is more than i could ask for. read on...
Hi. I really don't know how to even start this...but i feel that whatever i say, the chance that it might touch someone's life is more than i could ask for. Now, i don't have a big, huge amazing story with tons of terrible situations and a happy ending like alot of other people on here do. I was never raped. I was never really abused. But all the same I found myself in such a deep hole, lost with 'no hope'. I grew up as a missionary kid in Africa. That was my life. When i was about 11 or 12 I moved from Africa to California. Big jump. I met my 7 month old niece and and sister-in-law for the first time that year and saw my oldest brother again for the first time in 2 years. Being so young when he left home i only remember bits and pieces of growing up with him around, and seeing him again was like meeting him all over...anyways off topic. My other brother left for the army, had significant issues there and came back home...but he came home a completely different person. The influences and experiences he had in the army really rubbed off on his attitude and the overall person he is. Around this time I moved yet again, leaving California for Maryland - on the OTHER side of the contintent. The only people i knew here were my grandparents. I started a new school and life kept going. Over these couple years i went from an energetic, crazy kid to a reserved, self proclaimed social retard. I have trouble with this thing called verbal communication. Somehow, somewhere, life went completely wrong. I don't even know how to explain it to you, and nothing i say could justify it...but i ended up in that deep dark hole with nowhere to turn - except to cutting of course. I tried it once and after that 'once' it became an addiction. I couldn't stop. I couldn't go one day without doing something to hurt myself. The scars were becoming harder and harder to cover up, people were asking questions, making jokes, and finally someone found out. I got called to the administrators office where they also found out i had stopped eating, and my parents were brought in. I was set up with the school's counselor, which for me was just about the most alien thing possible. A counselor? me? yep. me. My parents would relentlessly interrogate me, asking all kinds of questions i couldn't answer. If i did answer they weren't satisfied. They just kept at it and at it making things worse. And in my mind, giving me more reason and more motivation to cut. To cut deeper, to draw more blood, or to eat less..you name it. I had it in my head that im worthless and that no one loved or cared about me. Yeah, i still struggle with that...and like i said i dont have a happy, colorful, yippe doo da ending....yet. But I believe God can and WILL work in my life. Not just in mine...but in yours. You're here aren't you? You're reading this...right? You're taking a step in the right direction...keep going. HE will help you..ya know why? Cause He loves you. So do I....peace. :)
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