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Am I alone?

Am I alone?

Hey im Erica. I'm in grade 9 and would love to share my story with you.So when i was in grade 7-8 i began cutting. At first it wasnt anything big, one day i tired it to just experiment. I didn't like it. Little did i know it would soon lead into being my way of coping. I began to cut in the August before i started gr. 8. I cut becuase i felt alone, i felt like i wasn't good enough for anyone, that no one care. I felt like everyone was looking at me and thinking, she's useless lets keep moving. I felt like everything that went wrong was my fault. Friendships were ending, fights with my siblings, stress at school, grades going down. No one seemed impressed with me at all. And i thought, here i am, alone, worthless, and it's all my fault.

I am a Christian, and all i was thinking the whole time was wow, God hates me. I cut, I cut to punish myself, i cut becuase in a wierd way it felt good. It felt like a weight just got lifted off my shoulders, like everything would be okay. But the feeling didn't always last for to long. Something would happen. Something would make me feel brutal. And my problem was, i felt like no one would understand i felt like i was the only one that felt this way and that no one would even care. Brett came and talked to my class about all of this. Then i noticed i am not alone. I noticed there are other people who feel the exact same way as i do. I felt like i finally found someone i could open up to. So i talked to brett, brett supplied me with the help i needed. I e-mailed brett, brett had a book, it was called "analyze Yourself". it helped me reallize alot about myself. And in the meantime i told a few friends, and my youth leader. And when i told them, i got alot of support from them. I realized people weren't judging me but they were there to help me. I got a reassurance. I did eventually stop with the help and support of brett, friends and family. I also had the help from God. When i finally relized that God wasn't the one causing me all this pain i prayed to him and just asked him to help me. I basically recommeted my life to him. Now a days a will be honest with you i do think about cutting, but everytime i do i run to the friends, family and God, who i know are all t here to support me and i get the help i need. Basically i think the best thing i did for myself was tell someone. If you need help, the first step is asking for it.

Erica

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Comments (31) add comment

Laurie said:

im praying for you

May 22, 2007

Erica said:

Thanks Laurie i really appreciate that! God Bless

May 27, 2007

Laurie said:

No Problem!

June 08, 2007

Stephanie said:

hey hun...i would like to recommend another book to you which was very helpful for me. "Deceived by shame, desired by God." my story is also on this site, called i am a friend of God. i'm glad to hear your stoy, and see that you understand the reasons for your cutting, Remember that you are a gift to this world, and that no other could replace YOU!

July 20, 2007

Pauline said:

Hang in there. Let us know how youre doing.

August 26, 2007

Pauline said:

Hi. Erica. I will be praying for strength and joy for you this week. Shine your light.

September 11, 2007

Erica said:

Hey Stephanie!
Thank you so much i will look into that book!... and i will read your story for sure!...thankx so much those words are encouraging

October 05, 2007

Erica said:

Hey Pauline,
thankx it its great to always know that people care, i am doing ok right now
these last few months have been super hard my best friend moved to california friends died, or got seriously injured, started grade 10 etc. i have been good tho, i have been turning to prayer and the bible instead of cutting but i have thought of it in a way as, when i cut, im not only hurting myself but im hurting those around me because that is not how they want me to be. thankx so much for caring im praying for you all!!

October 05, 2007

stephanie said:

hi erica... thank you so much for reading my story and for your encouraging words. God definately works in ways that may not seem to be the ways that we would, but we need to know that He is so much greater than anyone or anything else that we could even imagine. He is always with us, through each struggle, and we just need to find shelter in the shadow of his wings! God Bless. I am so happy to hear that you are pressing into God and into the Living Word. Yes cutting does not only hurt the person doing it, but also the ones who love the individual.

please feel free to conract me at
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October 11, 2007

erica said:

thanks so much steph! i really appreciate your cares for my story i just hope that people that struggle can realize that there really is a way out and you arent alone and there are alway people around you that care!
&hearts smilies/grin.gif

aughter of God!

November 11, 2007

Emma said:

I am so glad that you could be so honest and that you had such a great support system. You seem like a really amazing girl. Your story is a blessing to those who now struggle. I have a friend who is dealing with cutting... she is a younger girl in my church and she was my camper and i want to be able to help her. I am not sure what I can do for her. I have offered to be a support for her. But she doesn't seem to be taking it. I am so happy that she has been honest with me about her struggle but she hasn't went into detail. It is definately something she is hiding from her family but I would never want to rat her out and tell them. She trusts me. What do you think I could do for her. How did your family and friends support you? She is in your general age category... so I think that you can relate really well. I have struggled with thoughts of self harm but have never followed through. So I want to be able to relate with her... but it's not I guess that easy. Well I thank you so much for your honesty. You are so courageous. God bless...
Emma

February 19, 2008

Jessika said:

I support you...

February 29, 2008

zach said:

this wont be ease for u to reed im stoped i cant right or reed or speel well but i just wont u to no i no haw u feal i bee thar and i no haw it feals when it seems like everoun hats u even god but thats just in are heds it just the devils game of leding us away from gos and we muct realized that good loves ua and as prof of that he sakrofict his own sun for us and i am willing to give my sol for all of u k

April 28, 2008

zach said:

just keep hanging in thar

May 01, 2008

Erica said:

Emma - I would love to talk to you more to help you figure out a way to help your camper, honestly you have already done alot with letting her know that you are going to be there for her, that i realized was amazing when i was cutting, because it did sho me that some people care. add me to msn and we can talk more - This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it

Jessika!- Thank you so much for your suport its greatly appreciated!

Zach- Thanks for those words, they are very encouraging, im definately hangin in. God bless!

November 12, 2008

SAM said:

I am glad you coped with your cutting Brett changed me also and i once felt alone and worthless and i fekt depressed but now i feel better smilies/wink.gif

December 09, 2008

Matthew said:

Hang in there life may throw some curve balls at you but you WILL et through this and i will pray for you smilies/grin.gif

December 09, 2008

Mike Gour said:

December 16, 2008

jason l said:

thanks for sharing... ill be praying for you

January 06, 2009

Erica! said:

Sam : Thanks, Brett deifnately helped me alot, im now in grade 11. its still a struggle sometimes, it always will be, but i have learned different ways of dealing with what life throws at me, im glad Brett was able to help you also, always know your never worthless, God loves you so much, he created you for a purpose! I'll definately keep you in mind!

Matthew: Life has definately continued to through alot of curve balls at me, this past august a good friend of mine died of cancer 6 days after he was diagnosed. but i held in there and definately got through it with the help of frends and God, Thank you soo much for your prayer! its greatly appreciated!

Mike Gour: Haha thanks, definately brought a smile to my face!

Jason: No problem

thanks for taking the time to read, and i really appreciate the prayer!

God Bless you all!
Erica

January 28, 2009

shelby said:

your story has inspired me to go out there and teall some one
Love ya!!

April 07, 2009

Erica said:

Shelby! Thats so amazing to hear and i am soo happy that i was able to do that for you! keep Strong & God Bless you!

April 10, 2009

elvie said:

I love your story.IM praying for you.Smile smile Jesus loves you!!Remember the promise of God "He will never leave nor forsake you""

July 13, 2009

Erica said:

Elvie, Im glad you enjoyed the story, and i appreciate the prayer! I smile everyday because i know he loves me. Im now going into Gr. 12 in september and i havent SI'd since i wrote the story, God definately does not leave us nor forsake us, life has thrown so many curveballs over the years, but God has had my back! God bless

August 05, 2009

Sara said:

Do you ever feel like a burden by going to someone and asking for help? Each time I think of cutting I shy away from telling someone because I feel like I'm a burden. (Even if they've offered their phone numbers and told me to call day or night)

September 08, 2009

Erica said:

Sara, what i learned, is to never feel like a burden, telling people was my biggest step, i was able to get hep and prayer and support. If people are giving you their numbers, they want to help you. Telling someone will be the biggest help to yourself. Do not feel like a burden. I felt like a burden at first, but i realized how people actually loved and cared for me and wanted the best for me, so i GREATLY encourage you to cal the people who are reaching out to you. Hope that helps! i wish you all the best, dont forget you are not a burden

October 26, 2009

Abigail said:

hey look God loves you and i went through that too!

October 31, 2009

Cecily said:

Hi, Erica your story is so inspiring and God helped me get through the hard times too. Praise God! smilies/kiss.gif

January 05, 2010

Hannah said:

Girl, you amaze me(:

February 02, 2010

threeandahalf said:

wow, i could habve written most of that. thank you for being brave, and sharing ur story with us. i hope u now realize that there are thousands of us who feel the excact same way. if u ever want to tlk my email:
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March 26, 2010

Erica said:

Abigail - Thank - you so much! It's crazy the love that God has for each and every one of us and what he can help us get through!

Cecily - I am glad you were inspired by my story and were able to get through your hard times! Praise God for sure. Keep your head up and know he is always there!

Hannah: Thank you so much.

God amazes me!

Threeandahalf: Thank you! It was hard to share the story, but it is so encouraging to hear responces! God bless!

April 25, 2010

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