Your Story - No Aparent Reason

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No Aparent Reason

If there was ever a person who had no reason to cut, it would be me. I have a good home, a good relationship with my Pastor and family, good friends, good marks in school, everything is good. But I used to cut. Not anymore. The first time I cut was in grade six. I don't know exactly why I did it. I saw my friend do it. Then in grade seven I got depressed. I was depressed and somewhat suicidal. I cut again, more than once. I cut myself with scissors. One time I smashed my razor to get a blade out of it because I thought a razor blade would be easier than scissors. Fortunately, I didn't use the razor, I threw it out. My friend found out and I promised her that I would never do it again. But a couple months ago, in grade ten, I broke that promise. I wish I hadn't. I don't want to tell you this because it sounds horrible, but I cut myself with a chisel. I can't believe it, it sounds so horrible. I cut myself with a geometry compass. Fortunately, the cutting didn't last long. When I went to a Christain conference, I told someone and prayed about it. I made the decision not to cut again. Sometimes I still want to cut myself but I won't. I'm not completely sure why I started cutting. Nothing bad had happened in my life. I guess I saw that there were people around me who had problems and were getting help, they had the attention of someone, someone cared about them. I wanted that. It's weird for me to think that I cut so I could get attention. I didn't tell anyone or want attention once I did it. Even though I only cut a couple times, I'm still healing from it. There are occasional times when I feel guilty about it or just think about it. For the most part though, I'm healed. Basically, I talked to one person and prayed about it. I prayed to God about it more than one time. One thing that helps me to not cut is that one of my friends, who used to cut a lot, hasn't cut for two months now. Her story, and mine, shows that there is hope.

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Comments (6) add comment

Unfortunate Girl said:

Good for you! Im happy that you don't, so remeber, that you aren't alone.

March 31, 2008

Finally Stoped Girl said:

I used to cut ; ... its only been a few months since i stoped ; i stoped because i finally got into ym head that jesus died for me ; and he expericnece pain ; so that i dont have to; ... and also like you i somtimes want to cut , but i dont , because i know god only wnats me to be happy ; and cutting is only making it worse. smilies/cry.gif

April 09, 2008

Still on recovery. said:

I no exactly what your going through.
My life is great...yet I suffer with depression and suicide.
Im getting help
It was just weird hearing your story because it sounds almost exact to mine.
I hope everything works out for you.and your friend=)

April 26, 2008

Stopped and Thinking Girl said:

Its good that you stopped cutting. I used to cut, then I realized that if anything it was making my depressiomn worse, sadly I figured that out after I stopped.

May 29, 2008

Rebecca said:

I know that when I started cutting, it became addictive. I think thats why you started. no my story is a little different than your but that doesn't mean that I can't relate to it. And I might even just type out my story later today. But I know that when I started cutting, it was because my friend did it. I tried it one day and I became addicted. I glad that you were able to get over that addiction and I hope that the scars fade.

June 03, 2008