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Nothing ever triggered it the first time. No one even saw it coming, including myself. Once you start, it just keeps sucking you in. Its an addiction. I have been struggling with SI for 4 years.And now its time for me to fight back.
my story....my story begins 5 years ago with my first boyfriend.I was moving due to my moms jobs, and i had to leave him. we promised wed still talk, but he made no effort. i decided we would have to end this, but he did it before me. hes name was cut into my leg.
months past until the next time id think about picking up the razor blade. just the stresses of a teenage girls life were finally hitting me.And they hit me hard.the scars started on my ankles and legs, then migrated up to my hips and arms. from scrathes to scrapes to nicks to cuts to slices to gashes, they all got worse.
they eventually got up to the point where id even slice my hands with serated blades from the kitchen, like steak knives. Almost every night on some weeks id go to the kitchen while others were asleep and have at it, only because i felt like i needed it. It got to a point where nothing had to be wrong in order to do it, i just did it as some kind of hobby.I was ashamed of myself for this, and of course punished myself.
then my mom decided to join the army, and my last hope was gone. i had absolutely no one. my mom was divorced twice, grandma who was taking care of me and my sister was ill, and everything was going down hill, until i heard Brett.Everything he said made me think about everything. He made me realize that i needed help and support from others.
That summer i came out and told my best friend, i knew i could trust him with everything.i was surprised on how well he took it. i was home alone that night and i was facing some problems with my family. Eric, my best friend, drove over to my house and stayed with me that night just to hold me and comfort me. That night i realized that i needed him for a long time. I later discovered that whenever i thought about cutting or burning, i thought of him and wouldnt do it. i love him, and hes told me before he feels the same way, and i hope he stays around for a long time with me.but when i dont have him, i have the rest of my family to think about. i know it hasnt been long, but i have not cut in 2 months. that is great for me, but im looking to do better.
please, if anyone has any questions or needs absolutley anything, email me @
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id make a good friend. i also have a myspace :)
http://profile.myspace.com/273120753
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